Someone has hijacked my knees

Over the course of my childbearing years, I've lost over 100 pounds of Actual Fat - not including the approximately 80 lbs. of baby/water weight that you lose within 2 weeks after the birth. I feel kinda proud about that fact.

Until I look in the mirror. Why am I still 15 lbs. heavier than I was before I got pregnant? That is discouraging.

On the other hand, the fact that I've technically lost over 100 pounds - though not all at once - helps me justify the strong temptation to pull money out of the kids' college funds to finance my tummy tuck. My kids are brilliant and will probably earn scholarships anyway, right?

Which brings me to my second topic of bodily discontent - my knees. Apparently, some middle-aged woman has broken into my house and hijacked my knees, replacing them with her own. I know this because the Fat Zone on my body has always ranged strictly from the mid-thigh up to the jawline. Everything in that zone has always been Fair Game, but my legs and ankles have always stayed blessedly slim. Thank God for small favors.

Suddenly, though, there are these lumpy, gelatinous blobs beside my knees. It is as if a portion of the lumpy, gelatinous blobs of my inner thighs jiggled free and slid down about 8 inches.

Except that my inner thighs are no smaller, so I know it has to be the Middle-Aged Hijacker Woman.

This stinks, for the following reasons:
1. Shorts and short skirts are no longer the good friends they once were.
2. It is too hot here much of the year to wear anything but shorts, short skirts, and capri pants.
3. Capri pants make me look shorter and squatter than I already am.

Which leaves me with a few options:
1. File a police report and hope they can find my Hijacked Knees.
2. Embrace my new knees (not a viable option at this point).
3. Pull out the P90X and get crackin'.

Sigh. Off to exercise.